The Kingmonkey Tails – Catharsis

by Kingmonkey

The angry old scientist stared down at monkey. monkey fidgeted in his highchair. Antikas’ head pounded, he was really quite upset this time. He paced back and forth trying to put together a coherent frame of mind. All he could think of doing was throwing his calculator at monkey when he first heard…

Antikas:  “You hit a death petal?”

Kingmonkey:  Yeah… kinda…

AntikAS:  “You KINDA hit a death petal?”

Kingmonkey:  Yeah… kinda…

Antikas stopped and stared at monkey. monkey simply looked up from his highchair with his big brown eyes. He tried his best to give a pathetic , puppy-like aspect to his gaze. The best he could manage was to stare slack jawed like some kind of moron.

Truth be told, monkey wasn’t happy about this turn of events either. A lot of artifacts had been lost in that accident. The most prized of these were a size 1 shield for his Squall, an AB-3, and a few rare and perfect DSS for his mission for Hammy.

Antikas:  “This is the second time that’s happened now. First in Far Gate and now in Ekoo’s Stop. What do you have to say for yourself.

Kingmonkey:  Maybe it was sabotage…?

Antikas:  “Maybe you’re a jackass who shouldn’t be allowed to fly!”


Antikas:  “Okay, I’m sorry. That may have been uncalled for. Why do you think it was sabotage?”

Kingmonkey:  Well, I think it was, because while I was flyin’ out of Ekoo on my way to the Core, I was eatin’ a sandwich, talkin’ on the comm to a Quantar Marine, Openin’ a bottle of Quanus Ice, and settin’ up my jumpdrive while goin’ over my inventory… suddenly my throttle registered a malfunction. When I came out in Omni V… throttle was already up to 50!

Antikas couldn’t belive what he was hearing. His rational scientific mind would not allow him to believe what he was hearing.

Antikas:  “You were drinking alcohol, eating a sandwich, checking your inventory manifest, priming your jumpdrive, talking to a marine, and you’re not sure what went wrong?”

Kingmonkey:  Yeah, that’s about the size of it.

Antikas made a mental note to increase the dosage on monkey’s medication. An addendum to that mental note was to perhaps seek out a replacement for Kingmonkey altogether. His ulcer flared. While monkey ranted about how it was logistically feasible to perform all these tasks at once, safely no less, all Antikas could do was open a bottle of Maalox and drink it down entirely.

Kingmonkey:  What’s the big deal, anyway? I’m a natural arti hunter, I can always get more?

This was true. Anti was still trying to figure out how he did it. Whenever the two went arti hunting, a two man search pattern would inevitably yield the same results: monkey would find 80% of the artifacts, leaving Antikas to come home with a few rusty DSS and an upset stomach.

Antikas:  “That may be true, but next time when we hunt, you find the arties, and I will transport them. They’ll be much safer that way.”

Kingmonkey:  Safe? I’ve seen you fly into iron roids.

Antikas:  “Shut up monkey.”

Kingmonkey:  Did ShadowHart or any of the Eternal Legacy pilots ever find my Elvis sunglasses in the Light Gateway?

Antikas:  “Don’t change the subject, monkey. This is serious.”

Kingmonkey:  Serious… those glasses were a part of me. They were my soul made manifest. Without them, I’m not Kingmonkey, I’m just… monkey…

Antikas: “Dear God in heaven, monkey… I am going to have a stroke if I hear one more word come out of your mouth!”


*a longer pause*

Monkey sat in his highchair, dangling his legs, and playing with his Cheerios. Antikas slouched against the wall, massaging his temples.

*yet another pause*

Kingmonkey:  So, when are we going out arti hunting next?

The paramedics arrived within 3 minutes.

. . . the Tails continue


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